Today I did another big thing; I asked for support.
I can usually can ask for support for something others will consider “worthwhile” like studies, career and health but not for things people would consider trivial like my creative endeavors.
I think this goes back to when I was a kid and my loving parents would encourage me a lot when it came to academics but would often tell me not to “waste time” on all the artsy things I liked doing.
It’s understandable after all; they wanted me to excel in something that would maximize my economic prospects and traditional artsy things don’t do that.
Unfortunately; very unintentionally, they planted a seed of doubt within me when it comes to me doing anything creative. A seed that I fought hard to prevent it’s germination but when the levy broke and I lost control, I let go and before I knew it this seed had grown into a tree.
My therapist once told me “don’t ask, don’t get” meaning how can anyone help you or give you what you need unless you’re willing to ask for it. No one can read minds.
There is no shame in asking for help or asking for support.
There’s no shame for needing or wanting support.
So I asked today; I asked for my friends to support my little creative endeavors.
It took me over an hour to build up the courage to do so and even then I’ve been tempted to pull down and delete the request several times in the three hours since I put it up.
This tree of doubt will not be felled with one swift blow from the axe but taken down one sliver of bark at a time.