Don’t Ask, Don’t Get

Today I did another big thing; I asked for support.

I can usually can ask for support for something others will consider “worthwhile” like studies, career and health but not for things people would consider trivial like my creative endeavors.

I think this goes back to when I was a kid and my loving parents would encourage me a lot when it came to academics but would often tell me not to “waste time” on all the artsy things I liked doing.

It’s understandable after all; they wanted me to excel in something that would maximize my economic prospects and traditional artsy things don’t do that.

Unfortunately; very unintentionally, they planted a seed of doubt within me when it comes to me doing anything creative. A seed that I fought hard to prevent it’s germination but when the levy broke and I lost control, I let go and before I knew it this seed had grown into a tree.

My therapist once told me “don’t ask, don’t get” meaning how can anyone help you or give you what you need unless you’re willing to ask for it. No one can read minds.

There is no shame in asking for help or asking for support.

There’s no shame for needing or wanting support.

So I asked today; I asked for my friends to support my little creative endeavors.

It took me over an hour to build up the courage to do so and even then I’ve been tempted to pull down and delete the request several times in the three hours since I put it up.

This tree of doubt will not be felled with one swift blow from the axe but taken down one sliver of bark at a time.

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I finally started my YouTube channel

It is done.


It was scary but I did it, I put something out there that I wasn’t at all confident about.

I know nothing about video editing; but I tried to teach myself how to do it and this is what I’ve learnt to do so far.

I can only get better right? It’s like when I first started drawing or figuring out how to play an instrument. No one taught me how, I just played around till I produced something I liked.

Practice makes perfect though the goal right now isn’t perfection as such; the goal is the best that I can do with my skills such as they are.

Another goal with this channel though is to provide meaningful content which can be of value to someone and to always make sure that what I present lines up with my values and ethics.

I used to worry that the worst would be getting negative comments or that my content would we completely ignored however now I realize that the worst cannot happen; because the worst would have been me shelving my project and giving into fear, self loathing and self doubt.

I’ve put a link in below for anyone that wants to watch it.

Pins & Needles w/ Menace Bunny Ep: 1

If you’re still reading this? Thank you for your support. ❤️

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Done is better than perfect

Well after what feels like forever I decided to stop being such a perfectionist or caring what I look like on camera so a little video project I’ve had on the back burner since the beginning of this year is almost ready to deliver.

Is publishing it scary? Of course however the feeling of sitting on a project and not releasing it feels worse particularly when you’ve prided yourself on not giving a fig of what people in general think about you. ( Incidentally, dried figs are always welcome… delicious bastards.)

Before life kicked me around some I used to really back myself when it came to my creative endeavors, like devil may care backing myself… none of this ooh I wonder if people will like it business. It was shameless and I felt so much pride in my little drawings, songs and other random bits of silliness that I produced.

I’m not entirely sure when that changed but I’d really like to get back there instead of what I do now where I fill notebooks with storylines, character sketches, lyrics and chords only to hide them away without them ever seeing the light of day.

Is there a point to art if it’s not seen? A point to music if it’s not heard? Or a point to a story if it’s not told?

I’ve decided I need to get through this mental barrier so that I can spark my light again, it’s been almost 10 years since I suffered a mental breakdown and I’m tired of letting all this self doubt control my life and dull my creativity.

Like Albert Camus said ” Live to the point of tears.”

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Failure to launch

I had so many plans for this site but it seems that life continuously happens in such a way that my creative endeavors often take a back seat to other priorities such as work/uni.

I participated in Inktober last year as a way to get back into drawing after a long absence and it lit a spark; I’ve been drawing consistently since then however I’ve not been drawing anything related to the stories I have in my head, this is not to say that I haven’t been working on those projects because I have been its just been on refining and hammering out the story, dialogue and making it something that makes sense and doesn’t read like some poorly written fan fiction.

This semester I’ve decided to take it easy; especially due to mental health things, so hopefully I’ll be able to do more work on my projects and have something that makes me a little happier in the heart.

I’m not going to give myself any deadlines and just go at my own pace. I’m not sure what this blog site will be… for now it’s just for me and my thoughts about my projects etc.

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New beginnings…

So I’ve spent a bit of time cleaning up and sorting out this blog/site this evening so that I may finally embark on a bit of project I’ve been working on for ages… short visual stories.

At this point I’m hoping to publish something at least once a month to start with as uni/work stuff is a priority. 

My academic essays are still there for people to read and what not however I’m not sure if I’ll be adding more anytime soon. 

I’m still learning how to use this blog/site/page thing too; it’s a long way away from what I used to do back in ’99-’02 (god I feel old), but I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it soon. 

Can’t wait to spew some creativity forth soon! 

– L

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